As an Intended Parent starting the surrogacy process, you may find yourself overwhelmed with questions. Luckily, we have some answers for you! Many other couples find themselves in a similar situation, and asking questions is an important part of preparing yourself mentally for this journey. In this post, you’ll hear our answers to some common surrogacy questions we get from Intended Parents so you can feel confident moving forward.

Surrogacy Basics

How does the surrogate become pregnant?

Surrogacy is a legal agreement where a surrogate carries and delivers a baby for another individual or couple, also known as the Intended Parents.

You may hear about two main types of surrogacy, but they have very big differences depending on how the surrogate becomes pregnant.

Traditional surrogacy is when the surrogate is biologically linked to the baby. This is not a common surrogacy method, and is also not legal in certain states. In this case, the surrogate goes through an IUI procedure where the sperm of the father (or donor sperm) is inserted into the uterus to attempt to initiate pregnancy.

Gestational surrogacy is the most common type of surrogacy. In this case, an embryo is created in a lab with the Intended Parents’ or donor egg/sperm. It’s then transferred to the surrogate. Because the surrogate has not contributed her egg to the embryo, she has no biological connection to the baby.

The Surrogacy Process

Can a friend or family member be my surrogate?

If the thought of a stranger carrying your baby doesn’t sit well with you, you still have options! If you have a friend or family member who is willing, they can actually become your surrogate. Also known as an identified surrogate match, there are many benefits to this method. For one, you’ll already have an established connection and deep bond. It’s also possible that your costs will be less based on the arrangement.

However, whether or not your surrogate is someone you know or someone you just met, they’ll still be required to go through the same process of evaluations, screenings and contracts to ensure everyone is legally protected and covered. It’s also critical that you set clear boundaries and expectations ahead of time (as well as in your agreement) to keep your close relationship positive and healthy.

What does the matching process with a surrogate look like?

Getting matched with your surrogate is exciting and rewarding. The process will vary depending on whether you’re working with an agency, or if you’re taking the independent route. When working with an agency, they will have done most of the work for you already. Based on your specific needs, they’ll search their records for the best matches and have you review a number of surrogate profiles. You’ll then meet with surrogates virtually, or in person until you find your ideal match.

If you are finding your own surrogate, this process will look very different. Some Intended Parents on this path choose a friend or family member as their surrogate. Others search on various online social platforms, like Facebook, to find and meet their surrogate. This process may require more time but you’ll also be saving money on steep agency fees. Either option has benefits, it just depends on what your unique needs are.

Legal Considerations

Is surrogacy legal where I live?

Surrogacy laws vary far and wide based on where you live, as well as where your surrogate is located! You might even find yourself dealing with an International surrogacy situation. While some states are very accepting of every aspect, some states, like Louisiana, are known for not being surrogacy-friendly.

A quick online search on your state can give you the basics on what you’ll be dealing with, but luckily, you’ll be working with a lawyer who can walk you through major surrogacy questions and the exact details of your legal requirements. This will put your mind at ease and prevent any problems later down the line.

How are parental rights established in surrogacy?

This goes back to the last question about location since depending on the surrogacy laws where your surrogate lives, you will be given different options. If you live in a generally surrogacy-friendly state, for example, California, New Jersey, or Washington, you should easily be able to get a pre-birth order which allows you to establish your parental rights even before the baby is born.

In more restrictive states, another obstacle you may come across is that the state will first establish the surrogate as the legal parent, then make the Intended Parents go through the adoption process to update the birth certificate. You will need to decide whether this is worth the hassle or come up with a new option.

The Emotional Side of Surrogacy

Beyond the logistical and legal aspects of surrogacy, Intended Parents should also be mentally prepared for the emotional impact of the challenges they may face.

What emotional obstacles should Intended Parents prepare for?

While surrogacy is extremely rewarding, it still comes with many challenges. As an Intended Parent you can expect to experience moments of anxiety, whether it’s about test results, paperwork, or fears about what could go wrong before or after the birth. You may also have to deal with legal or medical complications, and likely some general stress throughout the entire process.

It’s important to have a good support system that can help you get through these guaranteed highs and lows. Additionally, if you surround yourself with experts, you’ll have a better handle on the situation and will be much more prepared when things do arise. (Pro-tip: our surrogacy community has a monthly support group with both expert and peer advice).

H2 All Your Surrogacy Questions, Answered

Although we may have touched on a few of your bigger questions here, we know that you may have many other questions about surrogacy that are specific to your situation. At Surrogacy Simplified, we want to be the first to walk you through the process and answer any question you could possibly have! If you’d like to hear more about the benefits of working with a surrogacy consultant, we’d love to hear your story.

Book a free initial call with us today and let’s take the first step into surrogacy together!