So, you’ve decided to pursue surrogacy as the best way to grow your family. Whether you’ve decided to take the Independent route or work with an agency, one of the biggest obstacles you’re up against now is finding your perfect surrogate.

An agency can help you connect with potential surrogates through a detailed interview process…but what if you’re wanting to pursue a more personal connection, for example asking someone in your family to take on this role? Can a surrogate be a family member?

The answer to this question is yes, absolutely. This can be referred to as family surrogacy, identified surrogacy, known surrogacy, or sibling surrogacy, this unique approach to the process can offer a more intimate connection and a deep bond for life. However, as with any aspect of the surrogacy process, you should put some real thought into this before taking action or making assumptions.

In this post, we’ll explore the pros and cons of surrogacy with a family member, so you can consider every aspect before making a decision.

What is Family Surrogacy?

Family surrogacy is the standard surrogacy process, but with a family member as your surrogate. Some Intended Parents may feel uncomfortable trusting a complete stranger to carry their future child, despite the many background checks, health screenings, and many other qualifications a surrogate needs to pass through before becoming eligible to match with a couple. In these cases, family member surrogacy is a better choice.

Common family surrogates may include a sister, a cousin, an aunt, or even a sister in law. Before reaching out, let’s cover all the details to see if this is your best option.

The Pros of Surrogacy with a Family Member

There are a variety of reasons why Intended Parents might feel more comfortable asking a family member to be their surrogate, and there are also many benefits to this decision! Here are some of the perks of taking this route.

Built-In Trust and Familiarity

The relationship between Intended Parents and their surrogate is very intimate, and attempting to create this bond from scratch with a complete stranger will be extra work. However, if you have a family member act as your surrogate, you already have a strong existing relationship. This natural trust can be very helpful in easing the many emotional and logistical concerns of the Intended Parents. Additionally, since you know their history and personality well, you’ll have more comfort knowing what to expect of them throughout the process.

More Cost Effective

When it comes to the cost of surrogacy with a family member, since you’re working with a family member, it’s possible that they will not ask for any compensation. This may also look like reduced compensation.

If you are also working with an agency, it’s also possible that they will charge you a lower fee because you are providing your own surrogate. This of course varies from agency to agency. (At Surrogacy Simplified, we manage these journeys to help you avoid the high agency fee).

Easier Communication

When it comes to communication, you’ll likely run into less issues when it comes to making decisions because you chose someone you know well and get along with. Because you are both aligned in your values and intentions, you’ll have less problems with disagreements throughout the process.

Shared Purpose and Family Bond

Last but not least, after all is said and done, your surrogate will be left with a very deep connection with the child and extreme emotional reward, knowing that she was able to assist a family member in need.

Cons of Surrogacy with a Family Member

Now that we’ve seen the benefits to family member surrogacy, let’s talk about the potential problems with this method.

Emotional Complexity

While surrogacy in general is already a highly emotionally charged process, bringing a family member into the mix can quickly cause tensions to rise. Surrogacy with a family member has the potential to create blurred boundaries between family members and their roles, even bringing up past issues causing resentment and fighting. Without careful thought and preparation, the emotional impact has the ability to ruin relationships.

Legal and Ethical Gray Areas

You might think that because you are using a family member you trust, that you can skip over the formalities of legal agreements and paperwork. This is a mistake. You should treat a family surrogacy with a sibling, cousin, etc. equal to any other surrogacy agreement. This can help to prevent any confusion, emotional pressure, or unforeseen power dynamics later on in the process as well.

Family Dynamics

While this is entirely dependent on the dynamics of your family, one possible outcome to consider is potential judgment from other family members who were not asked, or may harbor a sense of jealousy. This can cause resentment if they feel that favoritism played a part in your decision. You will know best if this will be an issue within your own family.

Complications During Pregnancy

If by chance there are medical issues that arise during the surrogacy, it may affect more than the Intended Parents and surrogate. For example, if your sister has volunteered to be your surrogate and something goes wrong, the problems will extend to her family as well. This can create a chain reaction of bad results.

In an emotionally charged situation, it may be difficult for other family members to keep their cool. Again, this is an area where you’ll be able to understand the dynamic and use your best judgement.

Key Considerations

Now that you know a few key things to look out for, here are a few questions you can ask yourself to be certain you’re making the right choice.

1. Are you and your family member both prepared to become involved with legal details and healthcare providers?

2. Are both of you mentally and emotionally prepared for this journey?

3. Are you confident that this relationship can withstand potential stress or complications?

Be honest with yourself and your answers when making your final decision.

Beginning Your Surrogacy Journey

With these types of important decisions, it will never be black and white. You’ll need to consider both the logical and practical aspects of your choice, as well as what your intuition is telling you. Surrogacy in itself is an amazing gift, and to share that experience with a family member has the potential to create a beautiful life long bond, as long as you’re prioritizing clear communication, taking the proper legal steps, and preparing emotionally.

At Surrogacy Simplified, we can guide you through the unpredictable web of surrogacy with a family member so that you can account for every possible obstacle before it arises. We want your surrogacy journey to be as smooth and rewarding as possible! To learn more about our process and how to take the first step, join us for a complimentary initial discovery call with our founder Jessie. We can’t wait to hear from you!