Just because you’re an Intended Parent using a surrogate, doesn’t mean that your pregnancy self care is any less important. You’ll want to be sure to prioritize the well-being of yourself throughout the process so that you can have the energy to continue being supportive of your surrogate, and so that everyone involved can have the most positive experience possible. If you are strong, calm, and resilient throughout the process, it will make it easier for others as well. 

Since the emotional, physical, and mental health of your surrogate will directly impact the health of your baby, it’s beneficial for you as the Intended Parent to remain in a good headspace to be able to support your surrogate. To keep things light, I've also shared above how my husband and I maintained self-care during our surrogacy journey. Let’s talk about a few ways that you can set yourself up for a positive surrogacy experience.

Physical Health and Pregnancy Self-Care

The process of surrogacy is never without a few bumps in the road, and the top priority throughout your journey should always be the physical health of your surrogate. While she will be making medical visits often to monitor her health as well as the health of your baby, it’s your job to make sure that you are also staying healthy during the pregnancy as well.

Below you’ll find a few simple self care tips to help keep you feeling good during the surrogacy process:

1. Stay Hydrated!

Yes this is basic, but it’s also easy to neglect something as simple as drinking enough water when you’re having a stressful day or anxiously waiting. It may be helpful to download a habit tracker app on your phone in order to check this off every day…or create your own system!

2. Eat Nutrient Dense Foods

Your surrogate will be eating healthy meals during pregnancy, and you as an Intended Parent should be prioritizing your physical health by choosing nutritious foods as well. You can join your surrogate in eating healthy pregnancy foods so that you’re both feeling and acting your best through every stage of the process. (Pro-tip: It can also help build the relationship if you feel like you are "in it together" or accountability buddies).

3. Prioritize Sleep

Although sometimes easier said than done, you’ll want to make sure to get plenty of rest! Being on edge or irritable in your waking hours is not beneficial in any situation, let alone when it comes to pregnancy, health, and costs of surrogacy. Do what you need to do to get enough sleep during this important journey to keep your mind clear and open.

4. Move Your Body

This is particularly important since exercise in any form will create endorphins and help keep your mood up. During your surrogate pregnancy you may experience stressful moments, anxiety waiting for test results, or some hard days in general. Making movement a regular part of your daily routine will help you manage some of these hard moments easier. Bonus points for outdoor activities…sometimes fresh air and sun can make all the difference!

Keeping yourself active and healthy will also allow you to better support your surrogate during her pregnancy by being available at a moment’s notice in case something comes up. 

Mental Health Matters

Surrogacy is an emotional journey, and it’s important to give yourself plenty of time and space to take it all in and process everything. There may be times when you become overwhelmed, worried, or anxious…these feelings are normal. Practicing a simple self care routine regularly can help you stay calm, present, and positive during your surrogacy journey.

1. Engage in Hobbies and See Your Friends

Make it a point to not skip out on book club or your weekly gatherings with friends. Keeping your community close will help support your mind and give you an outlet to give yourself a break if you need one.

2. Finding the Positive (easier said than done!)

Meditation and embracing gratitude can be powerful tools to keep your mind relaxed from day to day. Taking up activities like journaling, gardening, or painting can keep you happy and allow your thoughts to be more calm during stressful times.

3. Talk With Your Partner

Connecting with your partner when the surrogacy process becomes difficult can be a great way to remind each other why you’re going through this process in the first place. Taking a day (or a few days) to enjoy an old routine, fun date night, or quick getaway can be a refreshing form of self care. It will give you a new energy and excitement to get through the process more easily.

4. Avoid Stressful Situations

Surrogate pregnancy comes with a unique set of challenges. You’ll have enough on your plate managing all the details of the process, so it only makes sense to reduce stress in other areas of your life while you’re working through that. Review your responsibilities weekly to foresee any friction, and make any needed adjustments to make those interactions less stressful. (This is also your permission to RSVP "no" to any triggering events).

5. Take a Beat

Yes, you’re allowed to take a moment and communicate to your partner that you need a mental break, or to be alone for a bit. When you’re overwhelmed, or things aren’t going as expected, it’s only natural that you need to step away for a minute and take a breath. It could be as simple as opting out of one meeting or appointment to clear your mind, or scheduling a spa day, but never hesitate to prioritize what you need in the moment, or compromise your self care.

6. Connect with Support Groups

You can learn a lot from hearing other people’s stories from their surrogacy experience and how they are handling managing a healthy pregnancy. Seek out support groups, whether in person or in an online forum where you can connect with other Intended Parents and experts in the field. Sometimes when your situation is confusing, all you need is a little perspective.

We have a private community for Intended Parents that is intentionally off of social media. Not only does it have a resource library, but it is an amazing way to connect with other Intended Parents who truly "get it." It is welcome to all Intended Parents, regardless of what type of surrogacy journey you are on.

Embrace Self-Care During Your Surrogacy Journey

Remember, self care is not selfish, it’s an essential part of the surrogacy process for everyone involved. It’s important to care for yourself, your partner, and your surrogate throughout the process to ensure that both you and your baby thrive.

We'd love for you to join our Intended Parent Community - it is a great way to find support as part of your self care. Can't wait to see you there!