When starting out on your surrogacy matching journey, you’ll no doubt have some anxiety behind what might be the biggest decision you’ll need to make throughout the process. That decision is finding a surrogate that aligns with your unique preferences. Ensuring that you are choosing a compatible match is a vital step in creating a successful and emotionally healthy surrogacy journey.

Each match will be completely unique, since surrogate matching involves a wide range of very personal wants and needs. Whether you are working independently or with an agency, this stage of the process will require extra attention so that you can set yourself up for the smoothest process possible.

In this post, we’ll go over some of the main surrogate matching points and criteria that you should take into consideration as you begin looking into finding a surrogate.

Location, Legal, and Financial Compatibility

Since surrogacy laws vary greatly between states (and countries), location and proximity to your potential surrogate should be one of the first criteria you should consider. We want to avoid later frustration and be aware of the laws in her state up front to ensure you'll be able to move through the legal process without complication.

First you’ll want to understand your needs when it comes to location. How close do you want to be to your surrogate throughout the process? If it means you can find a match more quickly, are you willing to consider someone in another state? Once you’re clear on your needs, you can narrow down your options more easily.

Next, it’s time to find out the laws in your state, and if applicable, the laws in the state of your potential surrogate too. You can work with your lawyer to see if everything aligns, and if so, you can take the next step of finding out if you are financially compatible with them as well.

Be transparent about the compensation you are willing to offer. You’ll also want to talk about every expense you are willing to cover (and the ones you are not). Make sure you and your surrogate understand and agree upon all legal responsibilities, then have your lawyers create a well drafted surrogacy agreement to get everything on paper.

Shared Expectations and Values

When you’re going through a process as intimate as surrogacy, you’ll want to feel confident that your gestational carrier is on the same page as you if things don’t go according to plan. Before settling on a surrogate, you’ll first want to find out if you both align on key topics including lifestyle choices, medical decisions, and general expectations.

You’ll want to talk about important aspects like diet and exercise, and have a clear idea of the lifestyle your surrogate leads so you know your baby will be well taken care of. For example, if you and your partner live a low stress holistic lifestyle, eat organic foods, and value regular exercise, you’ll likely want to match with someone who lives similarly.

Consider their family, their regular environment, and their emotional support network. While you can also be a part of that, it’s important to think about the full picture, because you won’t be able to control everything.

When it comes to making big medical decisions, you’ll want to be clear on your potential surrogate’s views, including their stance on termination, vaccines, their willingness to undergo certain medical procedures (should they arise), and the number of embryos to be transferred.

When everyone involved has a shared idea of what the path should look like, it eliminates a lot of disappointment and frustration later on in the process.

Personality and Communication Style

When working with a surrogate, make sure that you actually like them! Take your time during the initial match call to get to know one another (even though it can feel like an awkward first date!). Since the process can be emotional, it’s of course ideal to be communicating with someone you like as a person.

As far as interacting with your surrogate, you may prefer to be in touch regularly. In that case, you’ll want to be certain that the surrogate you select is on the same page as you when it comes to communication.

During your initial meeting or video call, you’ll want to talk to your potential surrogate about both their preferred methods of communication, as well as the frequency of communication.

You’ll quickly realize whether it’s a match or not. For example, if you’re expecting a phone call twice a week, when they only want to send you a text every once in a while, it’s clear that that’s not going to be an ideal match.

Be open about your needs (phone calls, video chats, text messages) and how often you’ll want them. This will clear up any confusion later, and everyone involved will find communication easy and natural instead of forced and resentful. By creating a path to open and honest communication during surrogacy, you can start to build trust.

Finding a Surrogate for Your Unique Needs

To summarize the process of finding a surrogate that is your perfect match: Don’t be afraid to speak up and be transparent. It’s better to put everything on the table at the beginning to prevent big problems once everyone has committed to the process. Also make sure to not rush things. It’s worth taking the time to find a great fit to avoid problems later down the line. You want it to be as smooth as possible!

At Surrogacy Simplified, we can help you find your perfect match whether you’re working independently, or with an agency. Take the next step and speak with our experts on a complimentary discovery call. We can’t wait to get to know you!